I always wanted to write or put it into context what the love of god for us is. but really what the love of god is for a person one on one. I need to hear this myself even as i write because at times I am in disbelief or unsatisfied with the common answers and I find no peace. I can’t relate to god as I am now but i did have a dream a while ago and it was the warmest feeling i got when i think of god.
I was in a place all dark can’t call it a room because I didnt notice walls just darkness but theres light that I can see my self. And there he was god a figure whos face i cant make out but human looking like me,two feet, two arms, fingers, hair, eyes, in his image I am reflected.
I am broken in pain and i need answers something to explain it all. And i asked why whats the point and my voice raises and is a shout and becomes yelling and he starts to walk away from me not angry not mad no malice just warmth from him. I am angry as he walks away i start to follow him chasing him but i cant catch up.
Finally in a leap of faith to catch him my hand reaches out to his. I did not notice that his hand was extended searching for mine. As I clamp his hand I see my hand is not that of a man anymore but that of child.
My thoughts are the same but soon start to fade I cant remember anger or why I was mad. His hand swings me over to him and soon i noticed that he is carrying me as one does a child on his side.
I feel safe I don’t know much of anything now just that I am with this man I called and feel he’s my father. He spins me around a few times and we are laughing I dont know why I am so happy that I have tears I see he does too but we are both laughing playing.
Thats it. nothing else matter I didn’t know what had happened or where I was going or who i even was I just felt safe, warm, happy I was with this man and all I knew was he loved me so much that he was just as happy I was with him as I was he was with me.
You see I dont know much about theology and today is a very hurtful day. I wanted to be mad and sad. Thought that id writte that maybe id help others (be selfess a servant for god) but it kinda had an effect I didnt expect I am crying as I write this because I feel it that God really does love me that I dont understand the troubles hurts pains That I am dealing and that he doesn’t see that. he sees me and i cant explain it but imagine someone looking at you and knows everything of you your most intimate detail and things you would not share. And you cant hide.
Closes thing I can say is when adam and eve were trying to hide but you cant really hide from god its an embarrassment and yet humility he sees YOU and think on the word “you” in its entirety.
When he places his sight on you and you feel his warmth nothing matters you just want to stay there by his side safe. It reminded just now writing this having someone love you unconditionally. And not knowing why not even caring. even me feeling that I dont desserve to feel this love its there and having that feeling where he picked me up and was happy i was with him.
I dont know how to apply this to teachings or theology or what not. I have told this dream a few times but I have not bawled as I have today and I have never felt what the love of god could be as today. You know what he really does love us I can promise you we make him happy when we searched for him. He waited for me in that dark room and I never thought about like that before I always saw my self in that room but “I” had to get there he was already there alone waiting in the dark for me to show up.
Look you might be going through some of the worse things in your life right now. And you might have cried out to god. “God where are you” I can tell you he has always been there waiting for you.
No, I am not telling you about why he has not helped you with a specific thing in Your life or painful situationnor Why he has not made the moves you have asked for. I have asked for that aswell but today what I wanted to tell you and ended up surprised myself was what his love for you will feel like and this is my encounter but one that you could read and interpret. There was no situation and no matter how much i wanted to yell and tell him my hurts and pains rught now today how i am feeling, his warmth and embraced was louder than anything to the point where I no longer remembered anything but that he is the person I felt safe as he carried me and knew as my father. Knew that his love for me was as big as my love for him as child holds a parent humanly speaking.
Have a blessed day